The Newest Agendas

2008 Democratic National Convention Schedule of Events

7:00 pm~ Opening flag burning
7:15 pm~ Pledge of Allegiance to the U. N.
7:20 pm~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25 pm~ Nonreligious prayer a nd worship with Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
7:45 pm~ Ceremonial tree hugging
7:55 pm~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:00 pm~ How I Invented the Internet - Al Gore
8:15 pm~ Gay Wedding Planning - Barney Frank presiding
8:35 pm~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
8:40 pm~ Our Troops are War Criminals - John Kerry
9.00 pm~ Memorial service for Saddam and his sons - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
10:00 pm~ "Answering Machine Etiquette" - Alec Baldwin
11:00 pm~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:05 pm~ Collection for the Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund--Barbra Streisand
11:15 pm~ F ree the Freedom Fighters from Guantanamo Bay- Sean Penn
11:30 pm~ Oval Office Affairs - William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
11:50 pm~ How George Bush Brought Down the World TradeTowers- Howard Dean
12:15 am~ "Truth in Broadcasting Award" - Presented to Dan Rather by Michael Moore
12:25 am~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
12:30 am~ Satellite address by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am ~ Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:05 am ~ Coronation of Hillary Rodham Clinton
1:30 am~ Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
1:35 am~ Bill Clinton asks Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home


Republican National Convention Schedule

06:00 pm - Opening Prayer led by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
06:30 pm - Pledge of Allegiance
06:35 pm - Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
06:45 pm - Salute to the Coalition of the Willing
06:46 pm - Seminar #1: "Getting your kid a military deferment"
07:30 pm - First Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
07:35 pm - Serve Freedom Fries
07:40 pm - EPA Address #1: "Mercury: how to ignore the 14 states litigating against the U.S. government"
07:50 pm - William Safire on the dangers of non-Protestant religion
08:00 pm - Vote on which country to invade next
08:05 pm - Trent Lott recognizes/salutes the KKK contingent
08:10 pm - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
08:15 pm - John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos are after your children"
08:30 pm - Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
08:50 pm - Seminar #2: "Corporations: the government of the future"
09:00 pm - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man"
09:05 pm - Second Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
09:10 pm - EPA Address #2:" Trees: the real cause of forest fires"
09:15 pm - Roundtable discussion on the best way to bankrupt the federal government.

09:30 pm - Break for secret meetings

09:35 pm - Dick Cheney on why we must invade Canada and find their weapons of mass destruction.
10:00 pm - Second prayer led by Pat Robertson
10:15 pm - Lecture by Karl Rove: "Doublespeak made easy"
10:30 pm - Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 pm - Bush demonstration of his trademark "deer in the headlights" stare
10:40 pm - John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
10:45 pm - Clarence Thomas takes a minute to read the list of black republicans
10:46 pm - Third Presidential Beer Bash for Bush
10:50 pm - Seminar #3: "Education: a drain on our nation's economy"
11:10 pm - Hillary Clinton Piñata
11:20 pm - Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Evolutionists -- the dangerous new cult"
11:30 pm - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 pm - Blame Clinton
11:40 pm - Laura serves milk and cookies
11:45 pm - Pass the hat for the "Kenny Lay Defense Fund"
11:50 pm - Closing Prayer led by Jesus Himself
12:00 am - Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Leader

So which convention would you attend??