Satire on Illegal Aliens
BECOMING ILLEGAL! (Letter from a Maryland resident to his senator)
The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
Senate Office Building
309 Hart
Washington DC, 20510
Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
John Q. Public
Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.
Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!
Explain it to me once more: WHY do I have to "Press 1 for English"?
Source: email and origin unknown
Labels: illegal alien, satire
posted by Anonymous at 5:55 AM
5 Comments:
Thats Great!
You know, after reading this, I just may have to become a conservative.
right on target! why do we pamper people who don't even want to become citizens? they get all the benefits while we pay all the bills.
That satire represents a bigoted view of the vast majority of illegal immigrants who are essentially "guest workers" filling jobs that can't be filled otherwise. Most are here because they can't support their families in their home countries. They do, in fact, pay taxes on what they earn through payroll deduction, including social security deductions which will never benefit them because they are not here legally.
This whole issue is a big joke. We pretend we don't want them here but we mostly turn a blind eye because they take jobs no one else wants (like virtually all manual agricultural labor). We need a guest worker program to straighten this all out but political pandering to labor unions keeps it from happening...so the status quo remains in place.
Statement is true, the Director of Finance had first hand participation in the destruction of the hospital finances and while she may have been directed by the ex CFO, she did not do anything about it. Others brought up Red flags and nothing was done about it. The Director of Finance cant be trusted and should not be in any role, including interim CFO
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